the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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