I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
