Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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