can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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