i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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