Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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