I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
