the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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