Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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