She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
