my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
