You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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