I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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