My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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