I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My ass is underappreciated
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize