my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
