he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
