Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
