i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
