i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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