at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I need help removing her.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
