It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
