You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
