I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
