Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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