Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
