She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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