worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
two words...techno handjob
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
