Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
