I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
