Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
