Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
