She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize