Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
