I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
