Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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