i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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