dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
