Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
