This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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