I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
