If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
