Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm really busy with my period
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