I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
