Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
