Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
