dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
