so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
