he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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