I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
