you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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