Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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