im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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