I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So much rum. So many feels.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize