I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
