I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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