I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
