God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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