My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
