VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize