Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
