I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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