i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
