Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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