I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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