I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
