Your face is a jimmy john
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
