I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
