y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think my fart just growled at me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
