His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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