I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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