And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
